Gambling

When was that moment I knew? The moment I woke up and just knew what I've never been sure with anybody else?  It was only recently when so many things were happening, most of them online.  I could have gone in different ways and I did consider the lack of sensibility of it.  I could have flown to New York and met up with my ex or I could have considered somebody's surprise decision of moving here.  With me.  All the way from the Philippines.  But I didn't.  And some friends were banging their invisible frying pans in my head for being quite insensible.

It was there, even before, earlier, but I have been non-committal because it wasn't the most practical thing in the world.  You wanted this, no matter the distance, but I was hesitant, not because it would limit my option, but because I don't want to shackle you into a relationship that requires jet skiing across the Pacific.  Maybe in bed, but that's a different set of chains.  I thought it was too early before, because there wasn't much for a foundation, except your daily makeup and mascara. And I thought it would putter out after the cocoas are gone.

Maybe it will, maybe it won't.  I guess that's the gamble and the risk.  But I'm sure of going down this way and foregoing the others.  I would regret it the most if I had given all this up without even knowing and trying .  You're different from the others, and not just because you don't take a bath.  Different in a way that's wonderful and maybe a little cheesy and romantic, which are good things because I'm pragmatic.  Sort of balance things out.

This is going to be a journal of all things us.  Maybe it will reach that date, March 25, maybe not.  Maybe there'll be a hundred more March 25 with you.  Hopefully, there'll be.  I did not choose this date.  You did.  So at least I don't get the blame for all the waiting until we become "official."  As if we need to be sworn in just so I could tell the world that I love you.